When someone in your life is experiencing symptoms of depression, such as major depressive disorder, it can be difficult to stand by and watch them experience overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. However, compassion can go a long way.
If you want to talk to someone in your life about their depression, and provide them with support to help them navigate their symptoms, there are certain things to keep in mind.
By learning about how to (and how not to) talk to someone who’s depressed, you’re showing that you’re empathetic toward their challenges and that you’re there for them in whatever way they need.
3 things to keep in mind when you’re talking to someone with depression
Whether they are a family member, friend, partner or coworker, providing a safe, judgment-free zone for a person to open up about their depression can make a difference in helping them feel seen and cared for.
Here are three ways to talk to someone who’s depressed:
Lead with empathy
The key to any open communication about mental health is empathy, not sympathy. They don’t want you to feel bad for them or think that you view them differently. Empathy means that you’re putting in the effort to be understanding of their challenges, even if you haven’t experienced them yourself.
The goal is to try and put yourself in their shoes to gain perspective on their symptoms and how their depression is affecting their overall quality of life.
Validate their feelings
Like any other medical concern, depression is a real issue that shouldn’t be brushed off as “just being sad.” Providing validation to someone about their depression means acknowledging their feelings and the difficulties that they’re going through.
Saying things like, “That must be really hard,” can reduce any shame or feeling of weakness that they may have about their depression.
Point out their strengths
A person with depression often has low self-esteem and has a hard time having a positive outlook on life. When they’re feeling down on themselves, or experiencing overwhelming hopelessness, it can be helpful to point out what you appreciate about them.
By talking about their strengths, and asking them to name some of their own strengths as well, you can help adjust some of the negative thoughts that they may be having. Even though highlighting their positive traits won’t eliminate their sadness, it can help them to gain a bit more confidence in who they are and how others see them.
3 things to avoid when talking to someone with depression
Now that you know what you should say, it can also be helpful to know what you shouldn’t say when you’re having an open conversation about someone’s depression.
By avoiding the things below, you’re reducing the risk of hurting the person’s feelings or furthering their negative thoughts. While you’re not responsible for how they react, these conversations should always be held with the best intentions.
Minimize their feelings
In the earlier section, we talked about the importance of validation. The opposite of validating their feelings is minimizing them, or dismissing them altogether. This can mean saying comments like, “Everyone feels sad sometimes,” or “You’re just being lazy.”
Since sadness, fatigue and lack of motivation are common symptoms of depression, people who don’t know about the true nature of depression may dismiss the feelings and behaviors as “no big deal” or poor life choices. But depression is a real medical concern that can be chronic and debilitating without treatment.
Compare experiences
The unfortunate truth is that it’s easy to unknowingly try to make a conversation about you, when the focus should be on what the other person is experiencing. In an effort to try and provide comfort, you might try to relate to their experiences. You might say, “I felt really sad after my last break up,” or “I know exactly what you feel.”
But the truth is that you don’t know exactly how they feel. Comparing experiences not only makes the conversation seem self-serving, but it also minimizes their feelings.
Even if you have had depression symptoms in the past, you likely didn’t have the same exact symptoms. In these cases, it can be helpful to say something like, “I know it’s hard.”
Give unprompted advice
Unless someone asks you for advice, avoid providing it. Even though you think you’re trying to help, unprompted advice can make the other person feel shamed or judged.
A person needs to be in the right mindset to be able to fully absorb advice. But if they aren’t ready to hear solutions, then they likely just want a shoulder to lean on and vent about their challenges.
No one is perfect. If you can tell from their facial expressions, or a shift in the conversation’s tone, that you might have said something wrong, that’s OK. Apologize and move on.
Guidelight can provide support when someone in your life is experiencing depression
Conversations with someone who has depression should be about helping them feel heard and supported. But they also provide an opening to discuss treatment options. Ask them if they’d be open to researching treatments with you that can help them move along their mental health journey.
Depending on their mindset, ask them if they’ve considered treatment for their symptoms, such as therapy. But it’s also possible that more intensive support is needed beyond outpatient therapy, such as Guidelight’s intensive outpatient program (IOP) or partial hospitalization program (PHP). We also have a virtual IOP available.
Everyone has a seat at Guidelight. Contact our team online or call us today for more information about depression or to schedule an initial evaluation.