Life can be hard, and sometimes, the feelings inside us can become so overwhelming that it’s hard to cope. For some people, these intense feelings can lead to self-harm.

Self-harm, also known as non-suicidal self-injury, is when someone intentionally inflicts physical pain on themselves as a way to deal with challenging emotions, thoughts or memories. It’s not usually an attempt to end one’s life, but rather a way to feel something when feeling numb, to release intense pain or to punish oneself.

There are many ways people may self-harm. Common types include:

• Cutting or scratching
• Burning, using lighters, cigarettes or hot objects
• Pulling out hair
• Hitting
• Picking at wounds
• Banging one’s head or body against objects

People self-harm for a variety of reasons. They may use it to:

• Cope with overwhelming emotions
• Feel something if they are emotionally numb
• Punish themselves
• Gain a sense of control
• Distract from emotional pain

It’s really important to remember that self-harm is a sign of deep distress, not a sign of weakness. It’s a coping mechanism, even if it’s not a healthy one, and people who self-harm deserve compassion and support.

Understanding self-harm and relapse

Just like with any journey of healing, recovery from self-harm can have its ups and downs. A relapse in this context means returning to self-harming behaviors after a period of not doing so. It’s a setback, but it absolutely does not erase all the hard work and progress you’ve made.

Think of it like learning to ride a bike. You may fall, but you get back up and keep practicing. Relapses are part of the journey for many people, and understanding the signs can help you or a loved one get back on track quickly.

9 signs of self-harm relapse

Spotting the signs of a potential relapse can be crucial for intervening early and finding support. Here are some things to look out for:

• Fresh cuts, bruises, scratches or burns — These may appear on the arms, legs or other areas of the body. They may be hidden under clothing or explained away by accidents.
• Long clothes even in hot weather — People may wear long sleeves or pants to hide marks, even when it’s warm outside.
• Unusual blood stains — You may see blood on clothing, tissues, towels or bedding. There may also be an increase in used bandages or first-aid supplies.
• Sharp or harmful objects surplus — Keeping razors, safety pins, nail scissors or blades can be a sign that someone is preparing to self-harm or has already started again.
• Long periods of alone time — Isolation can be common. Someone may spend a lot of time in their bedroom or bathroom, often locking the door.
• Physical appearance — A sudden change in hygiene or grooming, like not showering or changing clothes, can be a sign of emotional distress.
• Impulsive or unstable behavior — They may seem on edge, angry or unable to control their emotions. Mood shifts may happen more often.
• Verbal cues — Saying things like “I can’t do this anymore” or “I’m a burden” are serious and should be taken with care and concern.
• Relationship struggles — They may pull away from loved ones, argue more or stop responding to calls or texts. Avoiding friends, family and social events can be a red flag, especially if this is a change in their usual behavior.

If you notice several of these signs in yourself or someone you care about, it’s a strong signal to seek support. For immediate support, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

Preventive strategies to avoid relapse

If you or someone you love is in recovery from self-harm, there are steps you can take to help reduce the risk of relapse and stay safe. 

Make a self-harm safety plan.

This is a personalized plan you create with a therapist or trusted friend or family member. It outlines:

• Your personal triggers
• Coping strategies you can use instead of self-harm
• Distraction techniques
• People to reach out to for support
• Emergency contacts or crisis line

Seek professional help.

This is the most essential step. A therapist can help you understand why you self-harm, teach you healthier coping skills, and address any underlying issues like depression, anxiety or trauma. Therapies like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be very effective for many people. 

Be aware of your triggers.

What situations, feelings or thoughts tend to lead to the urge to self-harm? Once you know your triggers, you can develop strategies to avoid them or prepare for them. If stress at school is a trigger, you may learn better stress management techniques.

Remove harmful objects.

If you have objects you use for self-harm, removing them from your environment can create a physical barrier and make it harder to act on urges. Ask a trusted person to hold them for you, or dispose of them safely. 

Change your environment.

Sometimes, simply changing your physical location can help break an urge. Go to a different room, step outside or visit a friend’s house.

Distract yourself.

When an urge hits, try to do an activity that fully occupies your mind and body. This could be:

• Playing a video game
• Drawing
• Cleaning
• Doing housework
• Listening to loud music
• Watching a funny show
• Taking a cold shower

The goal is to ride out the urge until it passes. 

Connect with others and break the silence.

Isolation often fuels self-harm. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, teacher, counselor or helpline. Talking about your feelings, even if it’s hard, can lessen their power and remind you that you’re not alone.

If you’ve relapsed or feel like you might, please remember: you’re not a failure. Recovery from self-harm takes time, patience and support. One setback doesn’t take away from how far you’ve come.

It’s OK to feel frustrated or discouraged, but don’t let one step back pull you away from your healing journey. You can begin again, and each day is a new chance to take care of yourself.

Recovery takes time and patience. Guidelight can help you on your journey.

At Guidelight, we support individuals struggling with the emotional challenges that often lead to self-harm, such as depression, anxiety, trauma and overwhelming stress. We offer personalized mental health care to help you build strength, stability and a brighter future.

Everyone has a seat at Guidelight. Contact our team online or call us today for more information about how we can help people with self-harm challenges or to schedule an initial evaluation.