Managing conflict: 7 strategies to resolve disagreements calmly and effectively

Managing conflict: 7 strategies to resolve disagreements calmly and effectively

Husband and wife visiting reproductologist at private medical clinic

Conflict is an inevitable, natural part of human relationships. It doesn’t necessarily mean that something’s wrong — it might just be that the perspectives, values or goals between you and another person aren’t aligned. It can also result from miscommunication, unmet needs, power imbalances and a host of other factors. While these experiences can feel intensely uncomfortable or emotional, the right tools can help you manage them effectively.

At Guidelight Health, we provide personalized mental health care that includes helping our clients develop sound anger and conflict management strategies. Let’s explore seven ways you can work toward calmer, more productive resolutions.

1. Take a moment to assess your feelings.

Emotional intelligence plays a key role in resolving disagreements. This is your ability to identify, understand and manage emotional responses. When tensions rise — especially in conflicts that have persisted for a while — it can be easy for strong feelings to take over and escalate the situation. And while your feelings are valid, they can sometimes rise to a level that clouds your judgment and makes it harder to communicate effectively.

Try pausing before reacting. Take a moment to check in with yourself, breathe deeply and choose your next words with intention. This simple step can give you the space to respond thoughtfully, which may help you set the stage for conversations that invite open dialogue instead of heated arguments.

2. Communicate using “I” statements.

Try to stay focused and on topic by using “I” statements. This means beginning phrases with “I feel” instead of “you always.” This approach can help you communicate your experiences clearly and show personal responsibility, avoiding the blame, accusations and defensiveness that commonly escalate these conversations. Examples of what this conflict management strategy might sound like include:

“I feel frustrated when you interrupt me,” vs. “You always interrupt when I’m talking.”
“I feel nervous when you’re not home by dinnertime,” vs. “You’re never home on time.”
“I feel angry when you speak to me that way,” vs. “You make me so angry.”

After expressing your feelings, try ending with your desired outcome or request. That way, the other person can better understand what you need and you can open the door for more dialogue.

3. Listen to understand.

Listening matters just as much as speaking, and active listening can help make your conversations more productive. It’s a communication skill focused on understanding, rather than simply replying. Learning where another person is truly coming from can help them feel heard and valued and give you more insights into their experience. Together, those things can help you get closer to a resolution. Here are some helpful tips for active listening:

Minimize distractions.
Make eye contact.
Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
Ask open-ended questions.
Summarize and clarify what they’re saying.

4. Empathize with the other person’s viewpoint.

Empathy is your ability to understand and connect with another person’s feelings, and applying it can be a powerful conflict management tool. By imagining yourself in that person’s shoes, you can gain insight into their perspective and a better understanding of their experiences. In the moment, reflections like this can help you respond more thoughtfully, minimize misunderstandings and avoid fueling heated confrontations.

5. If things get tense, take a break.

As hard as we try, we can’t always control how these conversations play out — and sometimes things can get a little tense. When this happens, it’s OK to step back and take a break. After all, this conversation might not be as productive as it could be with tempers flaring. Giving yourselves a little time to cool off can help create the space needed to return with a clearer mindset and a calmer tone.

6. Focus on the source of conflict and possible resolutions.

Instead of focusing on the past or trying to be proven right, shift your attention to the core of your conflict and possible resolutions. When you both feel genuinely heard and valued, it can be easier to identify what’s really beneath the surface. From there, you can try to find common ground or shared goals to help steer the conversation in a more collaborative direction. Think of it as tackling a problem together rather than “winning” an argument.

7. Ask for professional help.

Conflict can stir up stress and strong emotions, but a mental health professional can support you in working through these challenges. If you find yourself struggling to control your anger and navigate conflict with calm and clarity, Guidelight is here to help. Our clinicians offer personalized, evidence-based care that teaches practical skills that you can apply to everyday situations. Our programs include:

Everyone has a seat at Guidelight. Contact our team online or call us today for more information about learning anger- and conflict management strategies or to schedule an initial evaluation. We provide treatment across the country — and we’re always expanding. See if we offer care in your state, either online or at one of our local clinics.