By Rachel Levine, LMFT, LSWA, CEAP | Clinical Intake Supervisor
Every June, Pride Month offers an important opportunity to celebrate the LGBTQIA+ community, spotlight the critical need for affirming mental health care, and recognize how genuine compassion toward one another, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation, can uplift and empower members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Guidelight supports all LGBTQIA+ individuals year-round by creating warm, welcoming environments and ensuring affirming therapists are at each of our in-person clinics and virtual programs. This commitment reflects a broader understanding, highlighted in “The 20 Best LGBTQ Books for Parents, Allies, and Queers Alike,” that people thrive when they feel seen, heard, and supported.
Creating Safety When a Child Comes Out as LGBTQIA+
Coming out is the process of sharing one’s sexual orientation or gender identity with others. For a child, telling a parent is often one of the most significant and vulnerable moments of that process, and how a parent responds can shape how safe and supported the child feels going forward. For their part, parents must show their child that they are safe and supported. During and following the conversation, parents should prioritize communicating love, acceptance, and willingness to learn. No child expects the perfect response after sharing this information, but knowing they are cared for and loved goes a long way. The next step depends on the child’s specific needs and what they are sharing. Some children may need support with mental struggles, while others will need help navigating physical changes. In every case, the best thing a parent can do is listen and stand up for their child when necessary.
Resources for Parents of LGBTQIA+ Children
When a child comes out, the focus naturally falls on supporting them. But parents are navigating the moment too, and their own emotions deserve care and attention. One thing parents may not immediately think about is their own emotional response. Going to support groups or talking to therapists can help guide parents through these changes. It is normal to feel confused or shocked, but it is important to deal with those emotions in a space that doesn’t burden the child.
Defining Gender Identity
Unlike biological sex, gender identity isn’t something assigned at birth; it’s something a person feels internally. When a child comes out as transgender, it means the gender they feel differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Contrary to what some may think, there are many different ways to be transgender, all of which deserve the utmost respect and support.
Understanding Your Personal LGBTQIA+ Journey
Discovering your own identity can be a process. That’s why it’s important to lean on those around you, such as trusted friendships, therapy, or anywhere that you feel welcomed and safe. When going through this journey, it is important to be aware of all the emotions that may come rushing in and pay attention to what makes you feel most authentic and comfortable. When you feel stuck or distressed, therapy offers an impactful resource: a judgement-free space with people there to listen, affirm, and help.
How to be an Impactful Ally
Research shows a direct link to lower depression, anxiety, and suicide rates when members of the LGBTQIA+ community have a good support system. Allyship be ongoing and constantly present. Allyship includes:
- Listening without defensiveness
- Using correct names and pronouns
- Interrupting harmful language or behavior
- Advocating for inclusive environments
The Importance of Queer-Inclusive Sex Education
Education on this topic can help the youth understand that LGBTQIA+ is a spectrum and not everyone has to fit in as either heterosexual or cisgender. This education can vary, depending on what is appropriate for each age group.
- Young children: body autonomy and inclusive family structures
- School-age children: puberty, relationships, and consent, including same-gender relationships and different gender identities
- Adolescents: sexual health, consent and communication, and the emotional aspects of relationships
Discussing Queerness/Gender Identity to Siblings
Language and tone matter when sharing this information with a child’s sibling. Children tend to follow the emotional tone set by their caregivers. If you encourage asking healthy questions while also relaying the message that respect should still be given, the child can have the most appropriate response.
Religion Playing a Role in Queer Identity
At times, a person’s faith and identity can conflict. This creates a feud in one’s mind, making them feel waves of shame or fear. Fortunately, therapy can help. Rather than feeling torn between faith and identity, you can work with a therapist to find your own path forward. This doesn’t mean completely abandoning your faith, but tweaking the definition of what you believe in can calm one’s mind.
Healing from Queer-Specific Trauma
There are 7 key areas to address when navigating trauma as a queer adult:
- The impact of chronic minority stress and internalized stigma
- Differentiating identity from shame-based messaging learned over time
- Rebuilding a sense of safety in the body and in relationships
- Grieving losses (family, community, missed developmental experiences)
- Developing chosen family and supportive networks
- Exploring intersectionality (race, culture, religion, disability, etc.)
- Reclaiming pleasure, authenticity, and self-definition
Guidelight Aiding the Process
At Guidelight, we support members of the LGBTQIA+ community and their allies through PRISM, our affirming program. PRISM offers therapy in a welcoming, nurturing environment, with the goal of easing the challenges that can come with being part of the LGBTQIA+ community and supporting the mental health of everyone who needs it.
